Where is My Ghost Life Now?


I just ran across a beautifully written post by Chloe on The Little Plum. It strummed across the thoughts of an alternative life lived outside of our choices. The what if’s of another relationship, another school decision, another career path.

 And it really just makes me think about a life not walked. Chances never taken.

And I don’t mean in a negative way, as in “my life would be so much better if ya-da-da”. But more in an shower-thoughts intrigued way, like “What would I have been if I did that instead of this?”

Where is my Ghost life now?

I feel like I’m joyful in the life I live, including in my career. There’s room for more (there’s always room for more) but I’m genuinely content in where I am. I enjoy my current career in marketing at a quaint investment firm (it’s not too corporate so there’s more freedom, but just enough corporate to have structure). I enjoy my coworkers and how close I’ve become with them. And I actually really enjoy the career of marketing.

Branding, marketing, and everything alike, it’s a passion that electrocutes through my veins and keeps me wired. I’m so intrigued. I’m so devoted. I want more and more, and for some reason, I know this is exactly where God needs me. This is how He created me.

 But what if?

It’s interesting really, to imagine yourself in another career. Even if it’s just for a moment. I’m surrounded by upcoming doctors, lawyers, engineers, and everything else in between, and sometimes I wonder, which one is my ghost-life living?

Is she in dental school? A career that I thought was going to be my destiny for the first two years of college. And if so, is she happy? What is the highlight of her day? Is it her interactions with her patients? Or the team meetings in the morning with her dental assistants? And has her initial discomfort of blood and the body waned to nothing?

 Does she have fun dental school friends that she takes vacations with? And does she feel powerful and noble for surviving her first year?

How does she look at the world? Can she easily spot veneers? Does she appreciate the world of science in everything she touches? What’s her creative outlet? Does she dance or draw on the side? Does she paint murals in an effort to release anxiety and stay sane?

And where does she live? On the west coast finally existing in her dream as a Cali babe? In the hustle and bustle of New York? Back in her hometown in Dallas? Or would I bump into her at a Wholefoods here in Houston?

Where does she find her strength?  Has she finally learned how to stand up to her parents and stand up for her passions? 

And what about my ghost-self that got accepted into a different college as an architectural engineering student. Where is she now?

What does she do? Is she working for one of the tops architecture firms in Austin? Did her passion for art translate into designing buildings?

And what about her after-work activities? Does she hang out at all the cool art scenes or go to wine bars on the weekends? Does she feel creative and free?

Or what about my ghost-self that took on the career of my childhood passion – law.

Is she in her first year of law school? And if so, is she drowning in work all the time? Or does she absolutely love it?

Does she have a law internship? Is she absolutely killing the game and ready to be the next Annalise Keating? Or is she having a horrible time, afraid to quit and pursue a new career because she feels like it’s too late?

And where is my ghost-life that didn’t start a blog a year ago? What does she do after work? How does she spend her time? And where does she make friends? Is she cycling every day or taking fun fitness classes? Did she re-start her youtube channel? Is she painting and enjoying life?

Or does she feel bored and unfulfilled? Has work become her life? Has she created a secret blog on the side that she pours into but doesn’t want to show anyone? And does she still constantly wonder as she glosses through her favorite bloggers and influencers, “What if?”

There’s just so many possibilities, so many routes, and so many choices. And before I make any of my big decisions, I always wonder if I’m choosing the right one.

But I also am a firm believer that God guides, directs, and leads your path.

And so yes, technically speaking, my ghost self may have more money than I would at this point, more prestige, more honor, more wisdom, more schooling. And she even very well may be happier… but she is a ghost-self.

And I am me.

A product of my parents’ prayers, God’s guidance, and my choices.

The choice to pack my bags and move to Houston for school. The choice to drop pre-dental and pursue a career in business. The choice to dive head first into marketing and learn and understand the world of brands.

And the choice to lean on God to lead me exactly where He needs me to be.

And right now, as I sit in my bedroom of my adult apartment in Houston, musing over the paths of a life never lived, I can only hope that wherever my ghost-self is, she’s as happy with her decisions as I am of mine.

Much love,

The Corporate Queen

Romans 15:13

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


Mandu M.Comment